The Phamily Blog

So today was SUPPOSED to be the big day and guess what? After being all bitter about having Gabby's surgery pushed, she goes and gets a nasty cold. She wouldn't have been able to have surgery anyhow so I guess it wasn't meant to be today.

Despite her nasty cough, Gabby is doing great and eating a TON lately. She can't get enough "real" food, aka not "baby mush." This has proven to be difficult given the fact the little nugget has NO teeth. That's right...approaching 14 months and not a sign of a tooth. It's cool though...she manages.

Given that today was supposed to be THE day, I have received a couple of phone calls, email messages, and texts from friends that OBVIOUSLY don't read the blog :) I feel bad that I didn't personally call everyone and let them know what was going on. I hate that they have been worrying all morning. What can I say...I just ASSume everyone reads this, ha!

On a very positive and exciting note, my dad is on his way to my house as I type this. I can't wait to see my brothers and sister and Cam is going to be off the wall excited once he sees them. He has no clue they're coming so it will be a MAJOR surprise as he asks about them constantly! It's taken my dad 18 hours to get here. Sheesh. Hats off to him. I could NOT be in a car that long.

So, you may not hear from me for a while. What's new, right? I'll try and update soon!

love and hugs,
sheree

UCSF called again and gave me a NEW date, but it isn't for certain I guess. My thought is that if she had the nerve to call me and tell me they were thinking they were going to have to push her surgery to the 10th, chances are she isn't going to call back and say, "PSYCH, you're in on the 26th still!" but I really REALLY hope that's how it plays out.

Sorry about all of this back and forth business guys. I hate it.

I got a call from Gabby's surgeon's office today. They have rescheduled Gabby's surgery for Friday, June 26th. Apparently there is a mom that is going to be induced on wednesday and they will need to perform surgery on the baby immediately.

I am so bummed. I was really ready and getting mentally prepared for WEDNESDAY but now I have to deal with another two days of anxiety. Not only that, but my dad bought non-refundable tickets and is now going to lose out on those. Big bummer. Anyway, just wanted to keep you all posted.

to get your name on the list and have a custom badge made so that we have a way of recognizing eachother and striking up a converation.

I scheduled an appointment with Gabby's cardiologist for this past Tuesday just to ask some questions and try and set my mind at ease just a smidge. I have been pretty nonchalant about all of this but being in that doctors office, asking those questions...it kinda hit me. In twenty days I have to hand over my sweet, sweet baby. I can't even begin to describe the ways in which she has touched my heart.

I know all children are a blessing to their parents but this is different. Again...there are no words to explain it, so I'm not even about to try.

Anyway, so there I sat with my notepaper with the scribbled list of questions I had for Dr. Rivera:

*okay so which holes are being repaired again?

Two ASD's (atrial septal defect), one VSD (ventricular septal defect), and a leaky Mitral Valve.

*how do they repair the holes? Sutures? Patch?

They patch the holes. Dr. Rivera then grabbed a specimen container in which he kept some sample patches. They looked like white cloth bandages...weird!

*Recovery?

(this is where I got teary eyed and scared)

Dr. Rivera suddenly took a more serious, somber tone.

"You should know that seeing Gabby following surgery will be very difficult for you. (GULP)

She will have one tube down her throat to help her breathe. There will be a tube down her nose for feeding. She will have a catheter. She will have four small tubes in her abdomen to help drain fluid. She will have an I.V. Her scar will be quite large...probably around 5 or 6 inches long down the center of her chest."

Bring on the water works! Ugh. This sucks.

I don't know why it didn't hit me until then. I mean...I knew this was going to be a serious procedure. I think I must have been in denial until that moment. My cheeriness I had when I walked into the office had quickly faded. I was sad for my baby.

There is one question I was NOT about to ask. Call it denial, I don't care...I wasn't going there. Still, Dr. Rivera asked "is there anything else you'd like to ask me?" I shook my head no. "Nothing?!"

Nope.

"You know, I can't pretend like I know what you're going through with all of this because I have never had to go through it myself but I would like you to know that in all of my years of doing this...I have NEVER lost a patient."

Really? (BIG sigh of relief)

"Well, no...I take that back...I did lose one baby but it was right at birth and I knew before the baby was even born that he probably wasn't going to survive...this baby was in BAD shape."

Apparently that was supposed to make me feel better...didn't really work though. Still, I am grateful that he has seen only one death thus far.

Dr. Rivera continued and told me that he has researched these surgeons thouroughly and has complete faith in their abilities. "Even in such involved procedures such as Gabby's, everything always turns out well."

"Oh, so Gabby's procedure is fairly involved?" (Dumb question right? Is there such a thing as an open heart surgery that is not fairly invloved? I don't think so.)

"Yeah...I'd say so, but honestly, everything is going to be fine."

I think I finally let out a huge sigh at this point. He made me feel a lot better and I do have complete faith that everything will go smoothly. Still, I had one more question before walking out of his office.

*We had planned a trip to Hawaii exactly three months after her surgery? Be honest doc...is it a bad idea?

"It'll be fine, just one thing though... you need to MAKE SURE you bring your cardiologist with you." (wink)



So there you have it. Everyday closer to June 24th brings a deeper feeling of uneasiness. I'm ready to be done with this.