The Phamily Blog

WOOHOO! Today is post 1 of 31 for the 31 for 21 campaign! (That's a tongue twister!)

My first post is all about Mother's Intuition. I always knew that intuition was a real thing, but until my pregnancy with Gabby, I had no idea how real it was. Thinking back on it is almost freaky. There were so many signs pointing to the fact that I would have a special needs baby, however discrete they may have been. I have shared these little intuitive experiences with a few people, so if you've heard this before, you're hearing it again :)

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was excited, yet reserved. I had experienced a miscarriage in May of 2006, so I chalked it up to that. I often joked that I was the girl of miniscule chances. Doctors say that once you have seen your baby's heartbeat during an ultrasound, your chances of miscarriage reduce significantly. I HAD seen those heartbeats. TWO in fact. The chances of conceiving twins naturally at my age was 1 in 300. Come to find out, there were THREE babies in there bringing that number to 1 in 8000. We didn't find out about the third until I had miscarried.

1.)So, onto my pregnancy. I had the usual morning sickness and other annoying pregnancy symptoms which should have set my mind at ease. By about thirteen weeks of pregnancy, I felt like something was just not right. I felt fine...it was just this nagging feeling that would not go away. I almost felt doomed.

2.)Most that know me also know that I enjoy reading when I have the time. One of the books I read while pregnant was The Memory Keeper's Daughter. This is an excellent book and if you haven't read it, I HIGHLY suggest you do. Anyway, the story is about a married couple who give birth to twins, one of them being born with Down syndrome. I hate to give the story away, so definitely go out and buy the book and see why this book was so touching.

3.)I love to spend time on the computer chatting with people about random things...cooking, kids, life, etc. I have a very large group of "internet friends." Well, I belonged to a group on babycenter.com of women who were all pregnant and due in May 2008. One mother grabbed my attention in an eerie way. Basically she was pregnant the previous year and had gone on to deliver a baby with Down syndrome. She and her husband made the painful choice to give that baby up for adoption as they just did not think they had the patience to raise a special needs child. They immediately decided to try again and got pregnant right away. This struck a cord with me. I remember washing my hair one night thinking about this woman. I remember thinking "I could NEVER give up my baby for adoption...no matter what." I thought about it often. Now I know why. And for what it's worth...I would never judge anyone that felt the need to make the decision to give their baby up. If anything, I admire those who know they aren't suited for the job and seek to find a better life for their children.

4.)Around 16 weeks of pregnancy, many doctors order blood tests that test for Chromosomal abnormalities. This is called the Alphafetoprotein Test (AFP). For whatever reason, when my doctor asked me if I was giving consent for this test, I declined. I took every other test offered, but this one, I refused. There was no arguing...just a simple, "okay, no problem, just sign on the dotted line." Cool. That VERY same night, while sitting in bed watching tv, I told Nguyen that I had declined the test but was now having second thougts. Really, the only reason I declined it in the first place was because there are false positives that occur very frequently and I didn't want to put myself through unneeded stress. He tried to calm my nerves and said "so just have them do it at your next appointment." Good call...that was the plan. I would just do it at my next appointment in four weeks.

5.)Four weeks later, I am sitting in my doctor's office. I tell her how I had recently declined, but I was having second thoughts and would now like to have that test done. She informed me that we were at the cutoff point for that test but I could technically still do it, but it had to be done today. So I asked her, "Okay, well...what do YOU think? Is it really neccessary?" She looked at me and said "well, let me ask you this...what would you do if it WERE positive?" Hmm...I hadn't really even thought about it. I told her "probably nothing, but it would be nice to be prepared." "Well then I wouldn't worry about it...you're young, you're healthy, and you have already delivered one healthy baby." she told me. "Alright, well, if something were wrong, it would show up on the ultrasound, right?" "Right." she said.

6.)One week later, I had my ultrasound where they confirmed she was still a "she." Everything seemed to go as planned...she never questioned anything, never brought another doctor in to check anything out. I do remember her saying "okay, we're almost done...just gotta get one more measurement of the skin fold of the neck." I knew that measuring the skin fold (Nuchal Translucency Screening) was used to detect Down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities as well as congenital heart problems. I remember thinking to myself that she may have been having some issues with that measurement but she remained upbeat and never said anything about it so I wasn't too concerned. I never heard anything after that day which is always a good thing.

7.)The last quirky little thing that set my radar off just a smidge happened when I was about 36 weeks along. We were at a birthday party for the daughter of one of Nguyen's friends. One of the party guests was chatting with Nguyen and I and had obviously noticed I was due to give birth sometime in the VERY near future. Most of you that know Nguyen know that he is very sarcastic, and he is hardly ever serious. Well, the woman had commented about my belly and how we must be so excited, blah, blah, blah. Nguyen then says to her, "eh, well...we're giving the baby up for adoption so were not all that thrilled." The woman just stared at Nguyen with the most blank expression imagineable. So then I had to do what I ALWAYS have to do when Nguyen speaks to someone that doesn't know him well and say, "Oh gosh...he's totally kidding!" Then I usually throw out a really fake giggle and elbow Nguyen in the ribs.

She started chuckling and says "Oh wow! I never know because one time one of my coworkers was pregnant and I was asking her if she was so excited and she said to me "well, I am giving this baby up for adoption." Then she leans over to Nguyen and I and says in a whisper, "her baby was a mongoloid." My stomach turned because I know she had no idea what she said was SO so SO wrong. Nguyen had no idea what "Mongoloid" was so he just kind of nodded his head and said "Ooohhh."

ALL DAY I could not stop thinking about that word. It was so ugly and hurtful. I even mentioned to Nguyen that I was bothered by it and he admitted to me that he had no idea what she was even talking about.

So there you have it. Maybe it doesn't seem weird to other's but it sure seems like something to me. Those were signs folks. My mind knew something was up. I never connected anything, but it was there. Even when Gabby was two days old and I looked at her and thought to myself that she had characteristics of Down syndrome, I still didn't connect it. Of course none of it matters anyway, I just really think intuition is a crazy and powerful tool. Never doubt yourself.

OH- just a little side note...I found out when Gabby was a few days old that the meaning of her name is "God is my strength."

awesome.