the happiest.
7:00 AM Posted In coping , down syndrome , sheree 16 Comments »
I have been reading many-a-blogs lately, the majority of them written by mothers of designer babies. Tonight I realized something....something so powerful and encouraging. Out of all of these mother's, not one of them feels sorry for themselves. In fact, I will venture on to say these mother's are the HAPPIEST mother's there are, myself included.
Of course, 5 months ago I could have never imagined I would be typing these words. But HOLY SMOKES, I am HAPPY!
Almost six months ago I was thinking to myself how craptastic my life was. I was thinking about how we would never go on cool vacations...how my daughter would never get married or go to a highschool dance...or have sleepovers. I wish I could travel back in time and slap myself across the face and say "WAKE UP SHEREE!" I wish there would have been a crystal ball for me to peer into. That would have been fabulous.
I hear a lot of people say "your attitude is amazing" or "wow, you've really got it together." I find myself trying to disect those words after the fact, like when I am laying in bed at night..."Is my attitude really amazing? Do I really have it together?" The more I think about it, the more I realize...Gabby is a freakin' miracle worker. She makes my job of "doting mother" easy as pie. How could I not have anything but an amazing attitude?
In fact, it's not just me she has this effect over...it's anyone she happens to cross path's with. She brightens people's days...I see it often. I have yet to go out in public with her and NOT hear at least two people SQUEAL over her.
Four years ago I had a vision of "the perfect life." My perfect life consisted of my husband and I living in our fabulous home, driving our fabulous cars with three fabulous carseats in the back. Cameron came along and added more to my dream...my handsome boy. He would protect his baby sister...whenever she came along. We would have the all-around perfect, multicultural American Dream! My kids would excel in school and go to great colleges. Maybe one would be a doctor, a lawyer, or a school teacher. Then, we would retire and move to our beach house somewhere in Southern California. Our kids would come to visit every weekend. My husband and I would travel the world...just like in the movies.
Then the stork with the pink scarf came five months ago and crapped all over my dream... or so I thought at the time. I was happy for my beautiful girl, but let's get real...I was pissed off. I was in serious mourning. Where was my baby girl that would grow up to be a beauty queen, a cheerleader, a mother?!
Of course, 5 months ago I could have never imagined I would be typing these words. But HOLY SMOKES, I am HAPPY!
Almost six months ago I was thinking to myself how craptastic my life was. I was thinking about how we would never go on cool vacations...how my daughter would never get married or go to a highschool dance...or have sleepovers. I wish I could travel back in time and slap myself across the face and say "WAKE UP SHEREE!" I wish there would have been a crystal ball for me to peer into. That would have been fabulous.
I hear a lot of people say "your attitude is amazing" or "wow, you've really got it together." I find myself trying to disect those words after the fact, like when I am laying in bed at night..."Is my attitude really amazing? Do I really have it together?" The more I think about it, the more I realize...Gabby is a freakin' miracle worker. She makes my job of "doting mother" easy as pie. How could I not have anything but an amazing attitude?
In fact, it's not just me she has this effect over...it's anyone she happens to cross path's with. She brightens people's days...I see it often. I have yet to go out in public with her and NOT hear at least two people SQUEAL over her.
Four years ago I had a vision of "the perfect life." My perfect life consisted of my husband and I living in our fabulous home, driving our fabulous cars with three fabulous carseats in the back. Cameron came along and added more to my dream...my handsome boy. He would protect his baby sister...whenever she came along. We would have the all-around perfect, multicultural American Dream! My kids would excel in school and go to great colleges. Maybe one would be a doctor, a lawyer, or a school teacher. Then, we would retire and move to our beach house somewhere in Southern California. Our kids would come to visit every weekend. My husband and I would travel the world...just like in the movies.
Then the stork with the pink scarf came five months ago and crapped all over my dream... or so I thought at the time. I was happy for my beautiful girl, but let's get real...I was pissed off. I was in serious mourning. Where was my baby girl that would grow up to be a beauty queen, a cheerleader, a mother?!
BAM!
It was a reality check to say the least and it was needed BIG TIME. My eyes were opened for the first time ever. It wasn't about ME and MY dreams...this was much bigger. Gabby helped me see that there are bigger and greater plans for all of us that we will never expect. Even when something seems so dark, grim, and horrid...it's shaping us up for something bright, beautiful, and AMAZING!
Tonight I snuggled with the princess because she was in an extra cuddly mood. I knew I needed to go put her down in her crib but she was SO loveable, I just couldn't let her go. My heart feels so FULL of love that when I look at her, I feel like it might bubble over. As we sat there, chest to chest I thought to myself that maybe that extra 21 she carries around does a lot more than we think it does. Sometimes it causes heart defects, leukemia, discrimination and heartache...but over time, I think that with enough exposure to the extra 21, many, if not ALL, will feel a sense of love, compassion, gratitude, and hope that will far surpass what they would have felt had these very special people never come into their lives.
I love you Gabs! I am forever grateful to you for "altering" my plans...
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16 comments:
Ok, I'm crying and it's not even 7:30 in the morning. Thank you for the beautiful post. I agree with you 100% and I had the same "dream" before Joaquin was born only to find out that he more dreamy than we could have ever imagined. I hope someday to meet you and "Gabs". We've got to get our two little loveable ones together :)!!!!
i'm right there with you. i too experienced some unwanted feelings upon learning the fate of our princess. i am embarrassed to say my first reaction i had was to put her up for adoption and run away! it's weird how the "unknown" can cause so much anxiety that something like that could even be a thought in a rational mind. imagine giving away the princess...sounds so crazy. fear happens to us so fast and catches us off guard that we act irrational. luckily, rational mind eventually brings us back to whats "real" and we can stamp out our fear. gabby is perfect and i feel she has made me wiser just by her being born. thanks gabbs!!
You and your little familiy have made my day! Gabby is beautiful and no doubt, a gift from God.
That extra 21 is just more to love! She's awesome, Sheree. You make me realize I'd love all my kids the same, no matter what.
People respond to KayTar in the same way. I know everyone thinks everyone loves their kids, but with KayTar people really do just LOVE her. There is something about her that draws them in.
We had plans, too. We were going to have 5 kids by 30! I had a full time job! I was timid and unsure of myself. KayTar changed it all. She's pretty amazing and there's no way I'd trade any of this in for my old life. No way.
Wow! Very well said Sheree! Gabs is amazing and has a great family. :)
ACK! Where's a Kleenex when I need it?!?!
This was beautiful Sheree. I know it had to be so hard when you realized your plans for the future were never going to be the same, but I firmly believe that God's plan is FAR more wonderful than any plan we could ever dream of. He definitely knew what he was doing when he brought Gabby into your lives.
Awesome blog!!
Your princess and family are awesome too!
Oh you made me tear up. I'm sure you've seen this, but your post reminded me of this Mom's wonderful words: http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html
I felt like this with Zoe too, at first was devastated, then a few months out happy as can be with my little girl. She was exactly as she was suppose to be. It made me reach out to Moms who had just found out thier child had a cleft, to tell them to chillax and that everything is going to be just fine. Something I wish I could have told myself when Zoe was first born.
Very well said! This is the kind of post new parents of a child with Down syndrome, or any disability for that matter, need to come across.
We are all very lucky Mama's!!
Very sweet post Sheree.
Your background is awesome! I like.
I'm a crappy unhappy person! Cause I got teens!! lol Doesn't manner if they have DS or not, they are teens. Teen Girls get their periods and have mood swings. Teen girls make their daddy's nuts and their daddys whine to the mommies making them nuts!! lol
Your right, like just gets better (until the teen years, lol Just joking)
That was so beautiful Sheree! You are such an inspiration! and I just adore Princess! a BEAUTIFUL family!
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
I AM OFTEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE THE EXPERIENCE OF RAISING A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY - TO TRY TO HELP PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT SHARED THAT UNIQUE EXPERIENCE TO UNDERSTAND IT, TO IMAGINE HOW IT WOULD FEEL. IT'S LIKE THIS.........
WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, IT'S LIKE PLANNING A FABULOUS VACATION TRIP - TO ITALY. YOU BUY A BUNCH OF GUIDEBOOKS AND MAKE YOUR WONDERFUL PLANS - THE COLISEUM, THE MICHELANGELO DAVID, THE GONDOLAS IN VENICE. YOU MAY LEARN SOME HANDY PHRASES IN ITALIAN. IT'S ALL EXCITING.
AFTER MONTHS OF EAGER ANTICIPATION, THE DAY FINALLY ARRIVES. YOU PACK YOUR BAGS AND OFF YOU GO. SEVERAL HOURS LATER THE PLANE LANDS. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT COMES IN AND SAYS, "WELCOME TO HOLLAND!"
"HOLLAND!!!!?!" YOU SAY, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HOLLAND?" "I SIGNED UP FOR ITALY! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN ITALY. ALL MY LIFE I DREAMED OF GOING TO ITALY!"
BUT THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE IN THE FLIGHT PLAN. THEY'VE LANDED IN HOLLAND AND THERE YOU MUST STAY.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN YOU TO A HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING PLACE, FULL OF PESTILENCE, FAMINE AND DISEASE. IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT PLACE.
SO YOU MUST GO OUT AND BUY NEW GUIDE BOOKS. AND YOU MUST LEARN A WHOLE NEW LANGUAGE. AND YOU WILL MEET A WHOLE NEW GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER MET.
IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT PLACE. IT'S SLOWER-PACED THAN ITALY. BUT AFTER YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR A WHILE YOU LOOK AROUND AND YOU BEGIN TO NOTICE HOLLAND HAS WINDMILLS, HOLLAND HAS TULIPS, HOLLAND EVEN HAS REMBRANDTS.
BUT EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS BUSY COMING AND GOING FROM ITALY, AND THEY'RE BRAGGING ABOUT WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME THEY HAD THERE. AND FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE, YOU WILL SAY, "YES, THAT'S WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO. THAT IS WHAT I HAD PLANNED." THE PAIN OF THAT WILL NEVER EVER GO AWAY BECAUSE THE LOSS OF THAT DREAM IS A SIGNIFICANT LOSS.
BUT IF YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE MOURNING THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T GO TO ITALY, YOU MAY NEVER BE FREE TO ENJOY THE VERY SPECIAL, THE LOVELY THING IN HOLLAND!
Thanks for your inspirational words.
I love that Jen. Thanks for reminding me of it :)
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